What is No Contact? - The Struggle Ends Here

There are many painful things in this life, and nothing hurts more than betrayal. Betrayal makes a person question what is true in their lives. So when betrayal occurs in a relationship, it is almost irreconcilable because of the damages it causes; we can practically be sure divorce is the solution.

I remember getting a phone call from child protection about my children. I knew then that she was trying anything to get rid of me. I realized why we were arguing; she was trying to pin something on me so she could have an excuse to leave me.

I also realized she had cheated on me and had already walked away from the relationship long before it came out. I was ashamed and embarrassed for myself when I came to these realizations.

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I’ll never forget the day she tried to make ok; this was best for the relationship; it was the most embarrassing moment of my life, and I will never forget it.


I never knew what no contact meant until after a year of separation. As I looked up things to help me get through, I came across this concept and recognized I was already doing it. The pain and the shame sent me right into No Contact mode.

No Contact is avoiding phone calls and text messages from your cheating spouse; if you want to know the truth, No Contact is the only way. However, if you have children involved, it isn’t easy.

The only time I responded to my wife was when it came to the children. As a man, I felt my children were used against me as manipulation. Throughout my marriage, my wife knows this about me.

No Contact is also no sex, hugs, or kisses with your cheating spouse during your separation; it is hard; after all, we are human, and I have to admit I did miss the touch of my wife but continuing with these activities will only prolong the truth.

I didn’t feel empowered; all I felt was this anger inside me, and my body automatically shut down whenever I was around my wife. Whenever I was around my wife, I felt this negative energy, and my mind and body told me to stay away from her, so I did.


I had to control my emotions every time I knew I was going to see my wife when I went to see my children and the worse thing was she never stopped me from seeing my children.

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So there was no excuse not to see my children on a regular, I visited them every day, and it was painful to have to see her every day. I had to be strategic before going over; I had to remember to avoid small talk and time alone with my wife.

Because I was still hurting and full of shame, I had to avoid these small talks because it would just fuel arguments and confirm her reasons for cheating. It was difficult trying to do what I was there to do, which was to be with my children, acting like everything was ok, but I did what I had to do.


As time went by, I recognized that avoiding communicating with my wife personally was what I needed and what she needed. I believe there are three truths in a marriage: my truth, my wife’s truth, and the actual truth.

Spending time apart taught me many things and confirmed many of my questions. I realized there was nothing I could say to my wife to make her see my side of things. She was very sure that what she had done was the best for her and that this was what she wanted.

With No Contact, time, and space, both parties will come to their validity. Especially if you still love your with and believe the marriage can be salvaged. I would never have gotten to the truth if I had given in to my wife every time she came over.

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If you keep breaking the no-contact rule, you will continue to live under the clouds of lies, and you will continue to sweep things under the carpet. All you will hear is a bunch of excuses, lies, and more blame. You will continue to be betrayed by your wife and any relationship you get yourself into.


Over time my truth came to me, and I needed to get over it; to do this, I had to admit that in this life, there is nothing I can do to make my wife or anyone for that matter love me. Over no contact with time and space, I realized I had to love myself for someone to love me.

I have learned that there are people who solely hurt people by manipulation and toxic behaviors due to their insecurities. Through this process, I have learned that it was not my fault why my wife cheated on me but her failure to evolve.

It’s not that she didn’t like me, but she didn’t like the person she had become, so she started looking for her new self, and all the arguments and the blame were smoke to allow and give her an excuse to leave me, by accepting this it allowed me to heal.

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