In my experience in this matter, it is one of the most challenging situations to deal with or overcome. As I have learned and concluded, it takes two people to make a marriage work; if not, it is expected that betrayal is bound to happen in a marriage.
For a marriage to work, it takes two people; if two people committed to their wedding, it would be a successful marriage.
It takes two to tango!
But of course, if one is trying to pull in and the other is trying to pull out, then there is a problem in the marriage; one will betray the other.
DUMPER vs. THE DUMPED!
The person who takes the heavier blow is the person getting dumped; it is a shock for this person. Their whole world has just been turned upside down; they have discovered that their entire life with this person has been all a lie.
The Dumbed will go into panic mode and quickly try and fix things, making him or herself look stupid and desperate. As you spin into this chaos, you lose all sense of Truth and logic.
“I WANT TO BREAK FREE”
As for the Dumper, all they want to do is to get the breakup over and be done with it. They are already under a lot of pressure and don’t want to hurt you, but they need this breakup.
After the Dumper has dumped their partner, all they feel is a sense of relief. They are happy they are now free from something that has held them in bondage or from you who held them bound. They now get to live their life with the person they have been cheating on you.
It can get extreme where the Dumber is enjoying seeing you crumble and suffer. To them, this has been the ultimate goal to watch you fall. They have been waiting for this moment to get even with you.
SENSE OF LOSS!
What you are experiencing as the person getting Dumped is a sense of loss! Because you now feel like you lost something that means a lot to you. At this stage, you don’t know what is real and what’s not; confusion sets in and wrecks you from the inside out.
The hardest and the most dangerous stage of a breakup to overcome is the sense of loss. This is where we battle our thoughts and emotions, questioning what has just happened.
If the person getting Dumped is not careful in the early stage of this feeling, it can turn deadly where some people take their own lives.
GO NO CONTACT!
The best thing you can do if you’re the one getting dumbed is to NO CONTACT. What is NO CONTACT? This is where you don’t contact your cheating spouse. Do not waste time but to go no contact, cut off all communications.
Do not call or text them, especially in the first couple of four months of the breakup. If the separation is what they want, you should give it to them; after all, they are entitled to it.
This is the opportunity for you, the dumped, to move forward with or without your partner, but this cannot be achieved with a lot of noise if you continue contacting your cheating spouse.
If you want to get to the Truth, you must cut communication, and if you continue to communicate with your cheating spouse, you will never hear the Truth. All you will do is fall for their lies and excuse.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS!
There is no magical way to heal from a separation, and time and time again, the only solution to overcoming such trauma is Acceptance. It is difficult to accept that such betrayal could happen to you.
The Dumper has not claimed any responsibilities for the separation; they blame you for why they cheated and want a divorce or separation. The only way for you, the Dumped, to start moving forward is to accept it.
ACCEPTANCE OF THE TRUTH
Accept there is nothing you could have done to stop the betrayal from happening, and that is the Truth! There were many red flags that you have seen in your relationship that did not make sense or the feeling that something was wrong!
Because you, the Dumped, did not address these things as they arise, you pay the price dearly. Accept that you are the reason they cheated; once you take this in, you will come to the Truth, but this takes time.
As long as you stick to the NO CONTACT rule and give it time, you will come to the actual Truth: they did not deserve you. All your good work and commitment to this person was a total waste of time.