What are memories?
Memories are the causes of our triggers, they can either break you or make you. As humans, we cannot help but remember things daily. Unfortunately, you cannot control your memories. It all depends on your current event.
As we go through our day, we may not be consciously aware of it, but we are creating memories.
Most of us develop memories for the future, something to remember, which is good, but it is hard to try and keep good memories without bad memories resurfacing.
Memories are the causes of the triggers which puts us in an uncomfortable feeling and cause us to be fearful and make bad decisions.
What is the Purpose of Memory?
Memory plays a pragmatic function in our lives, its purpose is the deal with things sensibly and realistically, and it is based on practical rather than theoretical.
This means rather than looking at our memories and being afraid of them, what we have to do is remember whatever got us scared in the first place. We have to try and avoid that from happening again.
This means we have to treat our memories pragmatically based on what is the apparent outcome, not based on theories and feelings.
Effects of Memory
I have been going through a separation phase of my marriage, and I was going through a lot of questioning myself, where did we go wrong, and what did I do? It can mess someone up.
I was so angry with my wife which led to me making a wrong decision after another bad decision.
It started to take its toll on me, and I was on the verge of completely walking away from my children and probably losing them forever.
After a year, I started paying attention to what was happening to me, leading to my thinking process.
The more I got stuck in this pool of memories, it changed me every day, I may not show it on the outside, but I was an angry person inside.
Acceptance of the Truth.
I discovered the most important person I had to first take care of was myself, and I started thinking deeply about what I have been accused of repeatedly in my mind every day.
The more I did this, the better I felt; I discovered that the things I was accused of were not true.
This can be dangerous; it can swing either good or bad, be overwhelming, and be too heavy on the mind.
I realized I was being gaslighted, which really broke me because I couldn’t understand why I was gaslighted like this.
I started to regulate my memories; by breaking them down, I was able to learn from them.
I was able to accept what had happened and what was happening. By doing this, I was able to overcome my pain.
Function of Memory
The role of memory is to help us identify what to do and not to do in the future; although it is our human nature to repeat our mistakes.
we will remember how many times we have made the same mistakes and what were our feelings when this mistake was made.
If you don’t fix those repeated mistakes, your memory will make your mistakes a part of you.
It will become your identity, it will be your action and reaction to any problem you encounter.
In a separation, memories play a significant role in a person’s decision they either stay or go.
If there are more bad memories, the decision is most like to sway to leaving; if there is more good, then there is a possibility of the person staying.
Memories threaten Pride and Ego.
I remember thinking about how this could happen to me and how she could do this to me; this continued until I realized I was playing the victim.
Playing the victim is simply saying my ego and Pride have been offended, and you have hurt me.
If you pay close attention to yourself when you are offended, you will realize there is a different person inside you.
Ego or Pride is the dark side of a person, and it is why everyone practices manners and is polite. If someone treats you poorly, you will never forget this person and how they treated you.
This is because your ego has been offended, and you thought that you would never be hurt; this is what your ego is doing, remembering things that hurt you.
The most important person in this is YOU! Before things started really heated and went downhill, I remembered who I was before the separation.
I was a loving father and husband who provided for his family and took care of my responsibilities.
I decided I would not change how I took care of my responsibilities. I was not going to change the way I provided for my family.
Although my wife and I were not getting along, it did not change that she was still my wife.
I realized I had to come to terms with the truth, and the fact was I had to accept what happened it happened, and there was nothing I could do to change that.
I also had to accept there was nothing I could do to change what had happened to my marriage.
By accepting the facts of my situation, I later discovered forgiveness; it’s no forgiveness for the other person but for myself.
I forgave myself because I later understood that it was not my fault my other person behaved the way they behaved.
We must not lose ourselves in times of separation; we must remember who we are and not become the monster society tries to make us.
There is so much chaos in a separation, but the only thing you have to remember is you are a good person and keep doing what is suitable for your family.
Every time you remember the pain you have been through, what you have to do is to learn from it.
do not live in pain but learn from it and move forward by saying this will not happen to me again.
Memories are maps telling you what you should and should not do. Although we sometimes repeat the same mistakes, our memories will continue to tell us how many times we have been here.
It is up to us to change our future, and our memories help us shape the person we would want and don’t want to be by remembering the pain and saying to ourselves. This will not happen to me again!